“It is so peaceful out here; I wish I could just sit here all day.”
“Yeah, I agree…but that’s what it is…just a wish.”
“Yeah…I know that too well…we have to go back to our messy lives two hours from now.”
Tanisha was sitting behind the auditorium overlooking the massive lake with her school friend Anika. They had known each other for more than ten years from school through college and so forth. They were not best friends, they had conflicting personalities, they didn’t even got along that much, but somehow they reached out for each other when life gave them both lemons. So like a lot of such times they were just sitting there by the lake, introspecting their own lives, choices, etc in their minds. Tanisha knew Anika was upset, so she subtly tried to raise the subject.
“So, what are you thinking about?” Tanisha asked Anika
“You know just …stuff.”
Tanisha knew very well the most part of this ‘stuff’ was a jumbled up mixture of disappointment, regret, sorrow, stress, and a feeling of utter uselessness due to her professional exam results which was released two days back. She was also facing pressure from her family, she saw her successful peers moving ahead in their own lives. But, most of all Tanisha thought it was the feeling of disappointing her parents over and over again that was killing Anika from inside. She wanted to help her friend but she was at a loss of words as she herself was facing similar problems though less severe in her own life. So she just tried conversing the old fashioned way.
“I know this seems really messy and you feel like you are stuck in labyrinth with no way out…but it will all seem so irrelevant few years from now.”
“yeah …you are right but the problem is my present is not converting into a happy future…it keeps becoming just a nightmare I can’t seem to wake up from.”
“Don’t worry; no nightmare can last longer than the night.”
“I hope so…So what is it you have been thinking.” Anika asked Tanisha
“Liar…you are never thinking ‘nothing’.”
Tanisha couldn’t help but smile, despite all their differences through the years, Anika still knew her too well. “I was just looking at the waves and wondering how our life keeps moving like this water despite all odds.”
“So, what is it that has been bothering you lately?”Anika asked her friend at which, Tanisha looked at Anika blankly with despair at a loss for words.
Not knowing how to talk about her own mental struggles, Tanisha just said, “Nothing…I was just looking at the water.”
“Nonsense, it’s all over your face…there are things eating you up from inside.”
Tanisha was in fact troubled about a lot of things so much that the thought of spending an evening alone at home scared her so much that she was barely ever found at home. Her solution was to stay out and about, be busy in work, books, friends or anything else so she had zero time to let her mind wander. Because whenever her mind did wander about it kept pushing all the problems of her life in front of her eyes to be reminded of them in all their glory. Her problems were not exam related as she had cleared all her exams.
However, there were so many things, she felt like she lacked aim after clearing exams, finding a job of her choice seemed harder than she had assumed. The sight of those job hunting portals depressed her each time. She was independent and working but somehow she was not satisfied. Her best friend was miles away. The mere thought of her current relationship was so scary that she always stubbornly pushed its thought away. She was afraid of love after her previous relationship failed so she simply avoided getting attached again, but may-be she was getting attached regardless and that was eating her from the inside. Few of her friends who knew about it kept telling her she had already fallen for this new guy, but she always denied it. She knew even if it was true it would be one sided, but she was afraid of what the future might hold in case she was wrong and he felt the same way.
“Hey…you still here??”
Tanisha did not realise how long she was lost in thought. It was getting harder and harder to keep these feelings inside her with each passing day. Trying to push all the thoughts back to the corner of her mind she replied, “Yes…sorry I got lost looking at the water.”
“The water again..ha…well..the water always finds its way and so will you.”
Tanisha wanted to believe those words so badly but she couldn’t and she kept thinking just how she let her life turn this messed up. She felt water hit her face.
“Hey its raining. Wow…wonderful day to be here.” Tanisha told Anika
“Yes it’s raining and so are you.”
Tanisha was so lost in her own thoughts …reality around her was confusing, until Anika touched her cheeks and wiped away her tears. “You are crying…you don’t have to tell me…just let it out anyway you want.”
Tanisha was at a complete loss of words. So she just said, “I don’t know life just confuses the hell out of me….I feel this big void that I cannot seem to fill. I feel like I am stuck before a mountain which I cannot climb.”
Anika asked, “What seems like a mountain now might just be a heap of sand, go step by step, you will cross it.”
“I wish I had a handle on at least my relationship if not other things.”
“You do have a handle on it, just pull away the curtain and accept the reality.”
Tanisha looked at Anika with incredulity, “Its harder than you think.”
“All good things are hard aren’t they?”
Tanisha looked at Anika with gratitude this time, they hugged each other, and Tanisha continued crying finally letting out all her emotions and darkness. This darkness was clouding her judgement, making her hide away from it. She realised despite all odds she couldn’t stop trying.
“You are right…this isn’t us…I will work it out one problem at a time.” Tanisha told Anika with a new resolve.
“Yeah you will…you always do.”
“I know and so will you…we both know why you are so upset, fight it and try harder this time.”
They both looked at each other smiling between their tears, feeling grateful for their friendship. They were not best friends, but they had known each other long enough to understand each-others problems without talking about it. They looked at the water and the beautiful evening sky knowing they will both somehow figure it out.
“I am glad I got sick that day back in school.” Tanisha told Anika
Smiling like a fool, “I am glad I was bunking in the sick room that day as well…for I met you the very same day.”
And just like that they were soon laughing like idiots.
P.S.: All characters, circumstances and events in this post are a work of fiction. ☺